


Just Me and the Stars

by hanky16



Series: Diary of a Broken Heart [2]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23407582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanky16/pseuds/hanky16
Summary: Tyson may think that Facebook was on to something. That maybe every relationship should just slap an it’s complicated label on it and call it a day. It would sure be easier than trying to explain even a fraction of his feelings about what’s going on in his life.
Relationships: J. T. Compher/Tyson Jost, Tyson Jost/Cale Makar
Series: Diary of a Broken Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683802
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Just Me and the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Title and some lines from "Dear Patience" by Niall Horan
> 
> In the same universe as "If You Cared You Wouldn't Have Asked" but can be read as a standalone fic.
> 
> Remember to try and accept the love you deserve.

When Tyson was 13 and looked at Facebook for the first time, he saw that there were labels for relationships; single, in a relationship, and finally, it’s complicated. Being all of 13 and still in his cooties phase (to be honest he didn’t see the whole buzz about girls, they’re great as friends but he didn’t want to kiss them or anything) he thought the whole its complicated idea was laughable. A few years later, Tyson realized that kissing was cool, just not with girls and that its complicated thing was still dumb when he finally got to change his status from single to in a relationship. 

Now freshly at 22, Tyson may think that Facebook was on to something. That maybe every relationship should just slap "it’s complicated" on it and call it a day. It would sure be easier than trying to explain even a fraction of his feelings about what’s going on in his life. 

To understand how Tyson got here you have to understand one big unfortunate fact, Tyson will always have a special unrequited spot in his heart for JT. Joseph Taylor Compher was always going to be his first love that meant something. Regardless of how much time had passed from the moment JT broke his heart, Tyson will pathetically love JT for the rest of his life. Tyson knows how this sounds, he has heard his sister tell him he needs to move on. However, what everyone else doesn’t understand is that getting over his rejection and not loving JT are two different lanes. It is probably not healthy but Tyson has come to peace with the fact that he has to move on to have a romantic relationship in his life. But if he was it be brutally honest with himself, if JT ever came knocking on his door asking for something more than friendship, Tyson would drop everything to be with him. This realization caused a dull ache in Tyson’s heart that wore him down. When it comes to JT, Tyson would always just be alone with the stars and never the love he craved.

Cale had come into Tyson’s life when he had hit a decidedly low point in his pathetic pining unrequited love. Cale had a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to Tyson spew his nonsense at all hours of the day. Cale saw him through rejection and heartbreak and was always there by his side when he needed it. 

Tyson doesn’t know when exactly he was supposed to start having feelings for Cale exactly, it just kinda happened to him. He never knew that he had developed feelings for Cale, he was just told that something was going on between him and the rookie. Apparently whatever vibes they were supposedly giving off were too strong to ignore. Tyson feels deeply and, let’s be honest, is super touch-deprived, so when he agrees that maybe there is something there, and yes they can run with it, he feels like it’s the best option to choose. This only creates some problems because his dumbass teammates running with it means they talk to Cale, which eventually means Cale comes to talk to Tyson. Tyson loved talking, once you got him going he could chat your ear off forever. But Tyson knew where this conversation with Cale was headed, heck he forced everyone’s hand. While Tyson may feel deeply, he also fears true vulnerability, a fear that is easily masked behind a loud and exuberant outer persona. No one ever thinks the easy loving touchy person is scared of truly getting close to someone else. To make matters even worse, because he tends to hide his emotions, Tyson never feels truly seen. Tyson never believes that if he leaves a room people would notice. For that reason, Tyson has a bad habit of falling for anyone who sees through this armor and truly makes an attempt to see him. The fact that Cale was even proactive enough to start a conversation blew Tyson away. After all, Tyson falls too fast and goes down blazing every time. The last time that happened was JT, and we all know how that ended. 

Cale sees him in a way that makes Tyson furious; Cale cares in a way that makes Tyson want to throw objects at a wall. Cale shows his affection differently than JT and it drives Tyson crazy. Connecting and loving JT always came easy to Tyson, regardless of his faults. JT could brush Tyson aside, not reciprocating the vulnerability that Tyson exposed himself to, all while Tyson would just lap up any emotional scraps JT was willing to throw his way. Tyson wanted to love JT so desperately and just couldn’t figure out how. Cale loved purposely, in a shaky way that showed his inexperience. Cale did not know how to do this properly, but neither did Tyson. Cale showed he paid attention and was always careful to try and understand the mess that was Tyson. 

Cale was everything that would be good for Tyson, he deserved an attentive love. However, when he looked at Cale, Tyson didn’t feel the same desperation that he does when he looks at JT. This is how Tyson knew he had the possibility for something real with Cale. Cale scared him so fundamentally that Tyson wanted to run far away from the emotions he felt. Having someone so close to exposing his vulnerability, and knowing that this action would be met with care, was so much worse than knowing you were throwing pieces of yourself at someone who wouldn’t notice. Cale would understand the gravity of everything that Tyson would put himself through in order to love him. 

There were lists of reasons why Cale would be good for Tyson, it was increasingly obvious to everyone around him. Cale didn’t falter at any of Tysons defense mechanisms but instead stood strongly embracing them. 

That’s how Tyson got here, a drink hanging loosely from his hand staring at a blank wall trying to let go of the internal pressure of his decision, to make sense of the mess his life had become. Was he just projecting his internal expectations onto Cale or did the other man feel something for him? Did Tyson even have feelings for Cale or was it just selfishly convenient for him to focus on someone who had special care for him? Could Tyson ever have feelings for Cale half as deep and entrenched as his feelings for JT? 

Tyson had no answers, no way out of the complex maze that was his feelings. This internal debate weighed like a mountain on his conscience. There was no way around, only through, and Tyson wasn’t sure what the battle was worth any more.


End file.
